i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
