She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He passed out mid-signature
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize