I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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