just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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