you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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