The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
