I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
