I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
