Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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