Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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