JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
