There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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