So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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