I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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