We're like a lot better than the average bears
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize