the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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