i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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