Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
