Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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