on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just want nice things and good sex
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
