I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
