I must be too annoying 4 u.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
