Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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