I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
