What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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