I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
