giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
