dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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