And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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