I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
