fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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