Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
