I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
