what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
