Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
