nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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