So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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