His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
