you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
