Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
