guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
