She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
