He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize