we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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