Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
