i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He passed out mid-signature
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
