Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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