Just mADE A PArabola og urine
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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