I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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