burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize