why didn't you poke me back
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
