I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
