Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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