It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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