Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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