Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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