I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
do herpes really smell.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
