Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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