Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
