I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize