chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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