I wannas sexs uuuuu
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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