The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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