Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
