tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
