I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
