so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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