Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I want her autograph on my taint
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
