i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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