if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
